Looking for love? Waiting for that perfect person

Waiting for your perfect match?

If you’re single and waiting around for your perfect match, you could be waiting a long time! Here’s how to change your dating attitude…

By Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

“When you truly look for me, You will find me.” Kabir

We all want love. Then, when we get it, we become afraid and start to run in the opposite direction. On the one hand we are looking for love and a lasting relationship. On the other, we are often relieved when the person goes away.

It’s a common belief that relationships are hard work. That it’s difficult to find love, to keep and to enjoy it. Yet the fundamental truth is that there is no inherent problem with relationships. There is never a scarcity of relationships. There is never a scarcity of love. Love is our natural condition, why aren’t we in it all the time?

The most common answer to this question is that we must find our perfect match. There is always something wrong with the people we meet. We have not yet found the “right” person, who can make us really happy. Or, if we have found him/her, that person has now left us and nobody will ever take their place again.

At this point we still believe that another person can make us happy. But let us look for a moment at what we’re dreaming of. Take a moment to see clearly who this perfect person is to you. Sit down and write a description of how you would imagine your perfect partner to be. Let yourself day dream. Write down all the qualities such a person would have.

Now, write a paragraph describing how you would have to be in order to have such a partner. Just by doing this exercise you may begin to laugh. There may be wild discrepancies between how you see yourself now and how you feel your would have to be to hold such a perfect partner.

What else might you discover? You might also discover that you do not really like this perfect person after all. He/she may only be some kind of ego-ideal. (Someone to build up your own self-image).

An attitude like this is based upon non-acceptance of who and what we really are.When we use another person to build up our own self-image, this kind of relationship is grounded in fear. Love can never be built upon a foundation that is not real. If we do not feel good within ourselves, is it really so surprising we may not really be so eager, after all, for this perfect person to appear at our door?

There are many methods people use to keep love away. Some constantly fall into relationships with difficult people. By doing this they ensure that they will either be rejected, or have to reject the other. Rejection can feel more comfortable and familiar than the experience of love. Take a long, hard look at this. Look at what it is in you that feels it must keep love away. We cannot be truly open to love and a relationship until we are able to release our fear of and desire for rejection. Once this pattern is dealt with, all of life opens its many doors.

When this happens you will inevitably realise that love is free, it flows everywhere. It flows to everyone regardless of their qualities. Love has nothing to do with any images or fantasies of how somebody else “should be”, or how we “should be” either.

Each person is the perfect person just as they are. When you begin finding the beauty in everyone, then the right one for you just walks through the door. .

Start today. Look around for a moment. Look at someone who is really in your life. Are you willing to love them? What will happen if they start to love you too? Anything we can’t love or accept in another, is a mirror of something we can’t love or accept in our ourselves. All it takes is one moment to decide to turn that around. Try for a moment. See how wonderful it feels.

Here is a lovely exercise. Close your eyes, look at yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you. Open your eyes a moment. Close them again, and look at yourself now through your own eyes. Open your eyes. Can you choose to look at yourself and others, through the eyes of someone who loves them? If you can, you will be amazed at all the love that starts flowing to you.

About the author: Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D., psychologist, speaker and author is a long term Zen practitioner whose work integrates Zen and everyday life. The relationship expert on i.village.com, she is the author of many books. The most recent is Living By Zen (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life), http://www.livingbyzen.com. She is also the author of Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Zen Miracles, (Finding Peace In An Insane World) and many other books. She can be reached at topspeaker@yahoo.com and her personal website is http://www.brendashoshanna.com.

Article Source: EzineArticles.com

For more dating advice to help you find love, you might also like to check out:
The power of positive self-affirmations for dating success
Eight steps to finding love
Dealing with rejection
How to attract the right partner
Soul mate myths

Do you believe there is such a thing as a ‘perfect person’? We’d love to hear your thoughts on this one. You can leave a comment in the box below… No ned to be a member – just post away! And remember, you can choose to remain anonymous if you’d prefer!