Signs he’s just not that into you

“Is he into me?” Ah the question on every girl’s mind after you first sleep with a guy… The answer is simple – If you notice one or more of the following signs it’s time to move on and get back in the dating game.

By Toni Coleman

You had the most romantic date the other night. You went to a nice restaurant, where you laughed, held hands and shared great conversation. Afterwards, you went back to your place and enjoyed what seemed like a night of intimate connecting. It all felt so right and was a welcome relief after all the recent stress in your lives and your relationship. But it has been several days and he hasn’t responded to your emails or phone calls. What is going on?

This scenario replays frequently amongst the single and dating crowd and I receive a lot of emails asking, “What gives?” The overwhelming number of people asking me this are female, but I do receive correspondence from confused guys as well. The short answer goes something like, “I can understand why you are confused. He’s giving you a mixed message by (not) saying one thing and doing another. It is this mixed communication that gives rise to so much angst and to all those emails asking me to translate and interpret so they can know what is REALLY being said and what to do about it.

Becoming a good communicator requires many different skills that involve both speaking and listening. In order to truly hear someone, it is necessary to listen to not only what they say, but also what they don’t say. Non-verbal body language communicates about 73% of every message that we send to another person. When you really think about it, words can really get in the way – if you let them. Anyone can learn to be a more effective communicator, but it does take patience, along with some focused and consistent effort. In order to help you get started, the following tips will provide you with some basic guidelines and tools to assist you when it feels as though you are speaking in different tongues.

1. Pay attention to your instincts and that little voice that alerts you to something being off.

This feeling is usually brought about by subtle changes in behaviour, tone of voice, level of physical contact, posture and eye contact and verbal sharing. Too often these go ignored and/or are written off as due to a bad day or stressful life events. While this is certainly possible, if the behaviour change seems sudden or continues over a period of time- something has changed in your relationship.

2. Don’t ignore a sudden and persistent change in frequency and/or quality in your communication.

If you have been dating someone who usually emails once or twice a day and calls several times a week and this suddenly drops to no contact for a couple of days, without explanation, something has shifted in your relationship. If these kinds of shifts occur slowly, making sense in the context of what is going on in his/her life and you have talked about them,  there is probably no need to raise the alarm. If he suddenly announces that he will be very tied up for the next few weeks (as he rushes out the door) and gives no real explanation for his unavailability, something is probably up. If this is coupled with body language that says, “stay back,”  he will probably be tied up a lot longer than two or three weeks.

3. If he is telling you how much he likes/loves you and how much he’d like to see you but never has time.

Truth be told, he just doesn’t really want to see you that much. We make time for the things we want to do and that are important to us. No matter how busy we are, we are never too busy to pursue the people and things we care about.

4. If he begins spending a lot of time on the computer, gets a lot of phone calls and goes into another room to answer.

If this is combined with several unexplained absences from the usual routine and places- something is up. Again, look for a pattern of behaviour. Everyone has an off day or a problem they may have difficulty sharing, however, the situation should not persist without a clear and logical explanation.

If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who begins to demonstrate the above behaviours, it will be important to address it directly with them if you hope to get to the truth. A good way to do this is to point out the changes you have observed and ask an open-ended question such as, “Is there something we need to talk about.” If your significant other avoids, puts off or minimises the issue after you have raised it for more than a few days, you may need to ask for a specific time that the two of you can sit down together and talk about what is going on. If this request is met with silence, this is also an answer, though not the one you want to hear. The key to handling communication problems such as these is to never ignore or try to explain away your feelings- and don’t delay in addressing them, hoping they will disappear on their own.

About the author: Toni Coleman, LCSW is a psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications and is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers.

Article Source: EzineArticles.com

For more relationship advice to help you decide whether to stay or go, you might also like to check out:
Signs you’re clingy – Relationship advice for women
Being attracted to people who are unavailable – part 1 (watch video)
Is your man emotionally unavailable? (watch video)
Is it a mistake to sleep together on the first date? (watch video)
Why do guys leave when they’ve finally slept with a girl? (watch video)

Why do you think some guys lose interest after they’ve slept with a girl? We’d love to hear your thoughts and you can leave a comment below… No need to be a member – just post away!