Are you in a co-dependent relationship?

Co-dependency is a legitimate mental health issue which can affect the individual’s ability to have a happy, healthy relationship.

By Tonja Weimer

Are you a needy, clingy person when you are in a relationship? Do you have a history of going from one bad relationship to another? Do you think you are just unlucky in the love department? If you are someone who expects others to love you and give you what you want because you take care of them and put your own needs aside, luck… or a lack of it… has nothing to do with it. Attempting to earn the love of another by taking care of their problems is called co-dependency.

Needing to be needed usually causes you to attract and choose someone who is helpless, hopeless and in a constant crisis, but can never give you what you want. The initial attraction may be intense: you recognize the person’s needs, your love interest recognizes the caretaker in you and it feels like a perfect match on the surface. As the relationship progresses, however, and you move from one major problem to another, solving, fixing, and rescuing him or her becomes your permanent job. You may think that, surely, if you can handle this “one last” problem they have, you will both finally be happy. But it never happens. Even if you leave this relationship, if you do not find yourself, you will find another troubled person.

How do you know if you are a codependent? You…

1. Feel compelled to help the other person solve their problem(s).

2. Find yourself attracted to needy people and needy people attracted to you.

3. Abandon your needs, routines, and friends to take care of this person.

4. Think you are responsible for how the other person feels, thinks, and acts.

5. Do not know what you want and need and think it is not as important as the needs and wants of your love interest.

6. Blame others for the problems your love interest has.

7. Feel bored, empty or worthless if you don’t have someone to help.

8. Get over-committed to helping others.

9. Begin to feel unappreciated when people want more and more from you.

Co-dependents either come from troubled families, or their parents came from some sort of dysfunctional background. The problems in these families are caused by one or both parents being domineering, anxious, alcoholic, drug-addicted, mentally unbalanced and can often lead to verbal, physical and emotional abuse. Compounding the problems, these issues were usually not discussed. Denial is part of the mixture.

This results in it being hard for co-dependents to accept praise, compliments, or good things happening for them. They think their lives are not as important as someone else’s, try to help others live theirs instead, and get false feelings of self-esteem from being a helper. Even though they want to love and be loved-they’ll settle for being needed.

About the author: Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our Free Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer.

Article Source: EzineArticles.com

For further advice on how to reassess and better your relationship, you might also like to check out:
Dependent on your relationship?
The fear of being left alone
10 steps to a healthy relationship
Are you with the right partner for you? (watch video)

Have you had any experience with co-dependency? It’s a delicate topic but we’d love to hear your stories. You can leave a comment below (anonymously if you would prefer)… No need to be a member – just post away.