Thursday, September 9, 2010

News Feed Comments
You are here: Home / Your Blogs & Questions / Ask Charmaine / My girlfriend is trying to trick me into living together.

My girlfriend is trying to trick me into living together.

Over the last six months my girlfriend has been spending more and more time at my place.. leaving more stuff behind every time. She just told me that her lease is up and would it be okay if she stayed at my house until she found a place. I feel like she’s pressuring me and tricking me into living together. But I don’t want to hurt her feelings and say no. What should I do?

Charmaine says:

She may not be exactly tricking you but clearly it is her aim to live with you and she is, deliberately or incidentally, pressuring you. If you let her move in under these conditions, it probably will not go well and could even end the relationship. Moving in together needs to be a joint decision which at the moment, it isn’t. Don’t let your basic kindness cause this to happen. There’s no need to be rude or nasty. Agree to let her stay for a while but at the same time, offer to help her find another place. By doing that, you immediately make it clear that you’re not inviting her to stay permanently. If her feelings are hurt, she’s causing that herself. Be assertive and make sure you’re in charge of your own life.

About the author: Dr Charmaine Saunders is a therapist with specific and extensive experience in the area of personal development, relationships, wellness, sexuality, positive aspect to life. She’s a published author, does a regular segment on 6PR and is used by many leading publications including Cosmo, Marie-Claire and New Woman. You can visit her website atwww.charmainesaunders.com.

If you want to ask Dr Charmaine anything just send in your questions to questions@naomishow.com and put Ask Charmaine in the subject line of the email. Dr Charmaine will answer your question as soon as she can – but please be patient, and she has a number of questions to get through. Alternatively, you can post a comment below – no need to become a member – just post away.

For more relationship advice on moving in, you might also like to check out:
Living together for the first time
Should we move in together?


Email This

July 29, 2010 by adavenport  

1 Comment

Comments

  1. Robert Douglas says:
    July 29, 2010 at 10:15 am

    Well for once I might have to disagree with Charmaine here, I think after six months a girl is entitled to some sort of deal,either this guy wants her or he doesnt – and it sounds like he doesnt. I was actually delighted when B started leaving stuff at my place, including ’sacred’ objects like her special rug in front of the fireplace which really indicated things were going well. ‘Pressuring’ after six months? No Charmaine, I think the girl is entitled to better treatment than this, the problem is on the guy’s side. The guy seems to want it both ways, well he can’t, tough luck.

Leave A Comment

Tell us what you think about this issue - we'd love to hear your thoughts. If you want to post a picture with your comment go grab yourself a gravatar!